I have this really deep, really dark secret. YOU MUST NOT TELL ANYONE, NOR POST IT ON THE INTERNET FOR THE RAVAGING HORDES TO SEE. Yes? Yes. Okay. Good.
I'm actually a potato, of no small renown. Throughout my unfortunately brief life span, I have won four Nobel prizes, achieved the status of master artisan in thirteen countries, won the Newbery medal twice, have reached black belt in six martial arts (including Origami), served the Queen of England my legendary caramel popcorn, had my personal effects displayed in several museums, watched The Avengers approximately 889172643592207 times, and saved the world on countless occasions.
Also, I am awesome. My ex-best friend told me that their neighbor's cousin's stepmother's uncle's grandson's dog's previous owner's murderer may have said so once. And they wouldn't lie to me. Probably.
***Disclaimer: The above information may or may not be entirely factual. Believe at your own risk.